New Salem Baptist Church

The Purpose of Marriage

October 1, 2023

Genesis 2:18; 1:28

What is the purpose of marriage? It is a sad commentary on the human race that most people go through life unthinkingly. When we do our survey going door to door, almost no one knows the purpose of life! Even the Christians that we meet do not know! So many people plod though life, die, and never know the purpose of life! The purpose of life is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.[1]

Similarly, young men go to war and they do not even know what they are fighting for! They will die for their country (even though, too often, people go to war for another country rather than their own country) but they don’t know why they are fighting or dying! It borders on insanity.

It is the same way with marriage. Most people get married either because they simply like, or think they love, a person and just want to be with them. That in itself is not a bad reason. But a person ought to know the purpose of marriage and not just get married due to feelings. Some get married out of economic necessity or in order to satisfy their parents. Those are not bad reasons either though, obviously, not as good as love.

Still, we ought to know the purpose of marriage. Knowing the purpose of anything is so important in order to make our endeavors successful. Do you want a successful marriage? Then know its purpose!

Before we consider the purpose of marriage we ought to realize that marriage is not a human invention. It was created and designed by God. Therefore, he has the right to stipulate how to live within it and everything that has to do with marriage. We do not have the right to regulate marriage, only God does. Man does so anyway, but we need to acknowledge God’s word on the subject and not rely on our own understanding. It is the pathway to happiness when we follow God’s ways.

Thus, so-called same-sex marriage and even divorce[2] are outside of God’s will and damaging to our lives.

The purpose of marriage is two-fold. That is, there are actually two purposes of marriage, yet they go hand-in-hand and ought never to be separated.

We see the first purpose in Genesis chapter two:

¹⁸ Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”^[3]

It is not good for man to be alone, so the Lord made a wife for him. We might say that a purpose for marriage is to provide companionship. But not just any kind of companionship. After all, a dog can be a decent companion. But animals are not suitable companions (2:20). Further, it is not merely companionship. Rather, it is companionship with a view to support: that is, being a helper. A crucial role of a wife to her husband is in being supportive.

When the Lord said, “It is not good for man to be alone,” this obviously also means it is not good for a woman to be alone too. There are exceptions to this. But we do not understand purposes by their exceptions. We understand purposes by their design.

If the purpose of a woman is to be a helper to a man, as Genesis 2:18 makes plain, then it is not good for a woman to be alone either for then she cannot fulfill her purpose. Now, feminists hate this truth. They want women to be independent and self-fulfilled, but this is nothing less than rebellion against God ‘s created order.

Thus, one purpose of marriage is for companionship and mutual support. This is generally stated. While very true, there is more to a marriage than just companionship. Put another way, we can say that God reveals what this companionship and support looks like when actually lived out. And it is wonderful!

To see the wonder of this let’s consider Ephesians, chapter five:

²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶ that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. ²⁸ In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰ because we are members of his body. ³¹ “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”^[4]

In verse 25 we see that husbands must love their wives. Although this passage does not specifically say that wives are to love their husbands, it is so clear that they are from other passages, notably:

³ Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, ⁴ and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,^[5]

Also, see Song of Solomon where you will read of the beautiful love that the bride has for her betrothed.

Marriage is a relationship where both husband and wife love one another tenderly. This in itself is reason enough to choose marriage over a single life. One cannot love others deeply and intimately as a single person.[6]

Let us read verse 25 again:

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,^[7]

See in the second half of the verse that the husband is supposed to love his wife as Christ loved the church “and gave himself for her.”

Thus, we see that the companionship and love in marriage includes sacrificial giving. The husband sacrifices his wants and even his needs in order to give to his wife her needs and her wants. This is a tall order because men are inherently selfish. Of course, all people are born selfish but the selfishness of a woman is tempered or constrained by a competing inclination, given by God, of nurturing. So women can more easily overcome their selfishness than can men. Men lack this natural sense of nurturing.

In my experience, my sense of nurturing did not come alive until I had by first child, Kai. When Kai was born the entire disposition of my heart changed. I discovered a strong sense of nurture and profound caring for him that I had heretofore not known. It even overflowed into my love and care for Josie.

So, marriage is a place where each one joyfully sacrifices for the other.

²⁸ In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ^[8]

See that in the same way that Christ nourishes his people, husbands are to nourish their wives. This is not talking about food. Rather it refers to the word of God. Husbands are to teach the word of God to their wives.

Marriage is a place where couples eat God’s words together and are built up in the faith. A husband who neglects to teach his wife the word of God is failing as a husband.

Sometimes the wife will read something in the Bible that blesses her. She can and should share this with her husband to encourage him.

In verse 29 we also read where the husband is to cherish his wife. Marriage is a place where both husband and wife cherish each other. They will consider the other as the greatest gift ever received from the Lord after salvation itself.

 ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. ^[9]

Why does the church submit to Christ? Because we acknowledge and respect his position as Lord. Let me repeat that: We submit to Christ because we acknowledge and respect his position as Lord.

Likewise, the wife must acknowledge her husband’s position as lord over the household (small “l”!) and respect him. We respect the Lord Jesus not only for his position but also for his perfect character. With men this is sometimes difficult because all men have character defects and sins that become more obvious the longer you know them. Nevertheless, the wife can bear with his weaknesses and focus rather on her husband’s good qualities so that her respect is full.

Likewise the husband should respect his wife for her role as his helper.

So, marriage is a place set apart for mutual respect.

Finally, marriage is a place where husband and wife become one:

³¹ “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”^[10]

“One flesh” is a phrase meant to communicate the intimate bond that husband and wife have with one another. It is a bond of the heart more than a bond of physicality. I know that when I was married there were times that I wished I could enter into the mind of my wife I so wished to be one with her. Of course, we can’t actually do that, but it shows the kind of oneness that ought to be present in a God-directed marriage.

In summary, one purpose of marriage is helping-companionship. According to revelation, this is expressed and realized through:

• Loving each other
• Sacrificial giving
• Nourishing
• Cherishing
• Respect, and
• Oneness

What is the other purpose of marriage? The other purpose of marriage is having children:

Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.^[11]

The purpose of marriage is to produce godly children!

But this is also stated several times in Genesis:

²⁸ And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”^[12]

Here is an important question: Is this command to be fruitful and multiply only for Adam and Eve or is it for all mankind and for all ages?

A moment’s reflection will give us the answer. What if Adam and Eve had 100 children? This would be possible since they lived for hundreds of years. Then, what if all 100 of their children decided not to have children or maybe just one child, as is the case with some people today? Then the whole earth would only have 102 people or 152 people (with each couple having only one child). Is 152 people on the whole planet filling it? Obviously not! So this command is not only for our first parents. It is for all their descendants too.

But we can have more certainty with respect to seeing that this command to be fruitful and multiply is for all people in all eras than just cognitive reflection. We saw from Malachi, chapter two, that this is still God’s purpose 4,000 years after creation!!

But the Bible is replete with admonitions to bear children:

And God blessed Noah and his sons and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.^[13]

Having children is so important to the Lord that he repeats himself just a few verses later:

And you, be fruitful and multiply, increase greatly on the earth and multiply in it.” ^[14]

The whole world is in rebellion against God. They seek to deny God his desires and the fulfillment of his commands. So, they have invented the lie that the world is overpopulated.[15] It’s not!

When the Lord speaks to Jacob he says this:

God appeared to Jacob again, when he came from Paddan-aram, and blessed him. ¹⁰ And God said to him, “Your name is Jacob; no longer shall your name be called Jacob, but Israel shall be your name.” So he called his name Israel. ¹¹ And God said to him, “I am God Almighty: be fruitful and multiply. A nation and a company of nations shall come from you, and kings shall come from your own body.^[16]

Being fruitful and multiplying is not just to get the world populations started, as in the cases of Eden and after the flood. It is for all people at all times. In the time of David, the Spirit inspired him to write:

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,

the fruit of the womb a reward.

⁴     Like arrows in the hand of a warrior

are the children of one’s youth.

⁵     Blessed is the man

who fills his quiver with them!

       He shall not be put to shame

when he speaks with his enemies in the gate^[17]

And:

Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord,

who walks in his ways!

²     You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands;

you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you.

³     Your wife will be like a fruitful vine

within your house;

       your children will be like olive shoots

around your table.

⁴     Behold, thus shall the man be blessed

who fears the Lord. ^[18]

Each olive plant averages between 10 and 30 olive shoots. Thus, David is revealing that it is both God’s blessing (vss. 1 and 4) and will that a family consist of many children.

A brief reflection on the way that God made us will reveal that it is his desire that we have many children. God could have created us without a sex drive. He could have just commanded us to have children and we would be under obligation to make them and nurture them. The very fact that he gave us a sex drive indicates that he desires us to be prolific. Indeed, he did not just give us a sex drive but he gave us one that is rather strong. Obviously, this is so that we will have children.[19]

This then is the two-fold purpose of marriage: intimate, loving companionship and the bearing of children in order to produce a godly family.

Knowing the purpose of marriage, what ought we to do?

First, if we are not married then we ought to seek marriage, unless we both choose to consecrate ourselves fully to the Lord’s work and have the gift of celibacy (see I Cor.7:1~9). And, you must save yourselves for your future husband or wife. Do not have sex before marriage for this is against the will of God and harms us spiritually and psychologically.

If we are married then we must prioritize our relationship above our jobs, our wants, even our perceived needs. We place our husband or wife above ourselves. We sacrifice. We nurture our love for them. We nurture our expressions of love, and our intimacy. Cherish your husband or wife!

If we are in a child-bearing age, we do not refuse to have children as a matter of convenience or preference. This is the modern notion of worldly couples. They restrict themselves to one or two children in order to have more time and money for themselves. Sadly, Christians often follow this pattern because they do not know the purpose of marriage! We must obey the Lord to be fruitful and to raise godly children (Mal. 2:15).  If you are uncertain about this just read the passages of Scripture that I have cited and meditate upon them. The Spirit will make it clear to you.

If we have children, then we train them in the ways of the Lord ….daily.[20]  We thus fulfill the purpose of our marriage and we please the Lord.

Value what is most valuable and don’t waste your time on trinkets. Marriage is most valuable! Treasure it!